Skip to content

soulstuck?

create something better.

THE SOULSTUCK CONTROL FREAK: BY MEGHAN SMITH

By: soulstuck
On: 12/23/2015
In: COMMUNITY, DISCIPLESHIP, FAMILY, INDIVIDUAL, LIFE, PARENTING, Uncategorized
Tagged: Bible, cancer, change, changing your thinking, control, control freak, Discipleship, end of your rope, endurance, faith, family, family leadership, fear, getting through cancer, giving up control, God, holding on, idol of control, in God's hands, Isaiah 55:9, Jesus, John 6:60-68, lead yourself, Meghan Smith, patience, power, powerless, promises of God, read Scripture, Sadie, Scripture, soul awakening, soulstuck, spiritual life, spirituality, story, story of you, stuck, suffering, walking with Jesus, Why? God
With: 1 Comment

THE SOULSTUCK CONTROL FREAK: BY MEGHAN SMITH

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Jesus.  Matthew 11:28  (Msg)

By Meghan Smith

When I was 27 years old my infant child was diagnosed with stage III neuro-blastoma. Cancer.   In the throes of this battle and after, my eyes were opened to one really ugly part of myself: the soulstuck control freak.

I spent the better part of my life believing I could control things (finances, relationships, work) and as a result I sat in a prison of anxiety, people-pleasing, and perfectionism.  Now, I recognize the lies the enemy was telling me. I was walking a dangerous path.

God is changing me.

As a recovering control freak and in the spirit of “A Christmas Carol”, I’d love to play the Ghost of Christmas Future, as weird as that sounds. If I could, I would visit myself, the Meghan Smith circa Christmas 2013.

I’d look at her with deep love and loads of grace, and praying that she would listen, this is what I’d tell her:

“Hey there…

  • I see you. I see you holding that bald baby girl. You’ve had to spend this Christmas season forcing gladness, all while facing this completely horrifying situation. It sucks, I know. But I am here to say, it’s not your fault. And it’s ok to feel sad, scared, and mad.
  • I know you. I know that you like to control. This comes from deep roots of fear and a longing to feel safe. You have always falsely assumed the role of “controller”, a spot that only One holds and deserves. Now is the time to embrace your humanity and come to the realization that you are weak, by nature. BUT his “power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) As you embrace your humanity, you’ll free yourself to receive and then lavish in the beautiful grace of Jesus Christ. It’s safe there. It takes the pressure off of you. And realistically, it was never on you in the first place.
  • I urge you. You want to “do”. So, what can you do? Take responsibility and do your part, ONLY. You can be Sadie’s mother and Jacob’s wife. Give Sadie the medicine she needs and take her to chemo. Stay in your Bible. Crawl to the throne of the One who knit Sadie together in your womb and ask Him to heal her body. Remember this: You are not her Healer. That responsibility lays solely in the hands of Jesus Christ. When you get the feeling that you haven’t “done” enough….take every thought captive. Remind yourself that He is in control and dedicate your daughter to the Lord. Do this again, and again, and again.
  • I challenge your thinking. You’re thinking, ‘This terrible thing has happened and there HAS to be a reason.’ I’ve watched you bang your head against the wall trying to put this puzzle together. This situation is not cause and effect, so it’s time to stop asking ‘Why?’ I know that the world says “knowledge is power”…but that gets back into the control stuff again. You’re probably not going to like this but: sometimes crap just happens. This is not a mentally satisfying answer. It’s just not. But you are not God. And “his ways are higher than our ways.” (Isaiah 55:9). When Jesus brought incomprehensible subjects to the table, some followers walked away. So He asked the 12, “Are you also going to leave?” To that, Simon Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go?” (John 6:60-68) What will your answer be? Is there any other way to “do” cancer than walking beside Jesus Christ, hard to understand or not?
  • I remind you. When questions arise, shift your focus to the sure promises of God and the ONLY thing you can hang your hat on: Scripture. Is God sovereign, possessing supreme and ultimate power? He proved it when He calmed the storm. (“Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!” Mark 4:41) Does He love me, even if He chooses not to heal Sadie? He displayed His love for you on the cross. (“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.” 1 John 3:16) From there, get honest before the Lord.   ‘I don’t know that the cross is enough to make me feel loved by you right now.’ ‘I know that you have proved yourself trustworthy in the past but today, I don’t trust You.’ ‘I know Your Word says to taste and see that You are good but I’m just not sure.’ These are legitimate confessions. He gets it. And He gets you. He’s strong enough to hear whatever it is you have to say. Talk it out with Him DAILY and ask Him to reveal Himself. Ask Him to change you. Then, just listen and wait.
  • I lead you to Jesus.  Wherever all powerful Jesus is…that’s where you want to be…tough or not. And He is with you. So lay powerless in His arms. It’s the safest place there is.”

 

I can say this about myself:  Outside of the power of the Holy Spirit in me, I will always try to regulate situations, circumstances, and people. I must make a conscious decision to relinquish control always. I still tend to be worst case scenario girl and that’s not good. I trust Him to change that in me too.

In the meantime, I’ll offer myself some grace and I’ll offer it to you too.

There are legitimately scary things that can happen and they’ve happened to me. They’ve happened to you. Things could spin out of control at any given moment. Sadie could relapse. She could be teased by other kids when she goes to school. My husband could wake up tomorrow morning and decide he doesn’t love me anymore. He could lose his job.

I CANNOT control any of these things.

But I am responsible for my reaction only from now on. When the time comes and I am looking for answers again, when I am trying to control again…like the song, I will say…

“So let go, my soul, and trust in Him…The waves and wind still know His name.”

 

The SmithsMeghan Smith is a stay at home mom in Murfreesboro, TN. She has been married to Jacob for 6 years. In 2012, their family grew when they welcomed their daughter Sadie. 

At 10 months old, Sadie was diagnosed with neuroblastoma. Sadie walked through 8 months of chemo and was declared to be in remission in February 2013. Now, almost 2 years later, Sadie is growing, thriving, hilarious, and smart. The Smith family gives all honor and glory to God for miraculously healing Sadie and carrying them during their most difficult of times.

 

Subscribe & Get "APPRENTICE"
100% Privacy. We don't spam.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Related

2015-12-23
Previous Post: STAR WARS: THE POWER OF A GREAT STORY
Next Post: WHY “JUST DOING MY DUTY” IS NOT ENOUGH

Subscribe Here!

About Art Kelly

About Art

I’m Art Kelly. If you are anything like me, there have been times in your life when you were stuck. I want to give you some help in getting you unstuck.Read More → Read More about “About Art”…

THE SOULSTUCK SERIES

THE SOULSTUCK SERIES

The Soulstuck Series is about hearing from other voices in the soulstuck conversation. These are stories and insights from some of our friends along the journey.Read More →

Archives

  • CHAPTER ONE – ONE WORD – MY STORY 10/26/2019
  • God Spoke To Me – An Introduction to “One Word” 10/25/2019
  • YOUR GOSPEL ISN’T BIG ENOUGH 02/19/2019
  • SHINE. MURFREESBORO BELIEVERS. SHINE. 02/15/2019
  • Why your kid is bored at church and school 09/01/2018
  • How Does Jesus Relate To Us? 08/30/2018
  • Solutions We Must Create 10/07/2017
  • THE PROBLEM WITH PERPETUAL DOUBT 08/04/2017
  • What is the church for? 05/29/2017
  • HOW TO RESPOND TO OUR AMERICAN CULTURAL ROLLER COASTER 01/22/2017
  • WHAT OUR FAITH IN POLITICS SAYS ABOUT OUR FAITH IN GOD 01/20/2017
  • HOW TO LET GO OF CONTROL 01/14/2017
  • FOLLOW: DENY YOURSELF, CARRY YOUR CROSS 01/12/2017
  • What good can I do today? 01/03/2017
  • Just Keep Bird-Watching 12/30/2016
  • Live a Questionable Life.  12/23/2016
  • The reason for stagnancy in religious institutions.  11/27/2016
  • I’M FOLLOWING JESUS 11/20/2016
  • Already tired of the word “Missional”?? 11/15/2016
  • Of immigration, Christian power-grabbing, and our future. 11/11/2016
  • THE DRAGON OF INSECURITY 09/11/2016
  • HOW FAITH WORKS (PART TWO): PREPARING FOR THE BEST 08/26/2016
  • HOW FAITH WORKS: BELIEF, FAITH, AND EFFORT (PART ONE) 08/20/2016
  • Moving past just obeying 07/19/2016
  • MY WIFE, THE BIBLE, AND HERSHEY BARS 07/17/2016
  • I AM HUMAN 07/09/2016
  • Live Sent (Part 3): Saturating our City 06/22/2016
  • Live Sent (Part 2): CHRISTIANITY AS MOVEMENT 06/18/2016
  • Live Sent (Part One): Paradigm Shift 06/02/2016
  • Amen.  By Adrian Plass 05/15/2016
  • The Lies We Believe 05/02/2016
  • WHEN I’M RIGHT…FILTHY RAGS 04/11/2016
  • PASSION WEEK: RISEN TO AWAKEN US 04/01/2016
  • PASSION WEEK: SUNSET 03/26/2016
  • PASSION WEEK: WHEN I BETRAYED JESUS 03/25/2016
  • PASSION WEEK: TWO GARDENS 03/23/2016
  • PASSION WEEK: THE UPPER ROOM 03/21/2016
  • PASSION WEEK: WHY THE JESUS STORY MATTERS 03/20/2016
  • PASSION WEEK: INTRODUCTION 03/19/2016
  • CREATE THE UN-CREATED 03/19/2016
  • THIS LIFE IS NOT A TEST…IT’S REAL 03/18/2016
  • KEEP SWINGING 03/15/2016
  • SOULSTUCK NATION: WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE? 03/11/2016
  • FOLLOW: FAITH WALKS INTO LIGHT PLACES 03/08/2016
  • FOLLOW: FAITH WALKS INTO DARK PLACES 03/07/2016
  • PASTOR: TEACH YOUR PEOPLE HOW TO LIVE SENT 02/29/2016
  • FOLLOW: YOU’RE NOT DEAD YET 02/29/2016
  • BORN BLIND SO YOU MAY SEE 02/26/2016
  • COUNTER-INTUITIVE KING 02/26/2016
  • DEALING WITH THE UNDESIREABLE 02/26/2016
  • THE CULTIVATION OF A QUIET SOUL 02/26/2016
  • THE KINGDOM IN VIEW 02/26/2016
  • PAUSE. RESET. CREATE. 02/26/2016
  • WHEN AMERICA MISPLACED HER TRUST 02/25/2016
  • WHY I LOVE MY WIFE – REFLECTIONS ON A SPOUSE “FAST” 02/23/2016
  • FOLLOW: TIME FOR A SOUL CLEANSE 02/22/2016
  • FOLLOW: DISCIPLESHIP IS MORE THAN A BIBLE STUDY 02/19/2016
  • THE SOULSTUCK LEADER: BY MARK SCHMAHL 02/18/2016
  • FOLLOW: LEARNING HOW TO LISTEN 02/16/2016
  • FOLLOW: KNOWING WHICH STORY TO BELONG TO 02/12/2016
  • FOLLOW: LEARN FROM ME (5 HABITS) 02/11/2016
  • FOLLOW: BASIC TRAINING FOR THE CURIOUS 02/10/2016
  • SOULSTUCK QUARTERBACK PART 2: WHAT THE SUPER BOWL TAUGHT ME ABOUT AMERICAN CULTURE 02/09/2016
  • SOULSTUCK QUARTERBACK: WHAT THE SUPER BOWL TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONFIDENCE VS. ARROGANCE 02/08/2016
  • Soulstuck Recommends 02/06/2016
  • BUILD US BACK 02/04/2016
  • HOW TO LEAD YOUR FAMILY WELL 02/03/2016
  • OVER-SENSITIVE UNDER-SENSITIVE… GRACE ANYONE? 01/31/2016
  • WHY YOU SHOULDN’T BE SO SMART. 01/26/2016
  • AUTHENTICALLY ALL-IN: TRADING IN A CRITICAL SPIRIT FOR THE REAL 01/24/2016
  • LEARNING HOW TO PRAY: BUT DELIVER US FROM THE EVIL ONE 01/21/2016
  • LEARNING HOW TO PRAY: AND LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION 01/20/2016
  • LEARNING HOW TO PRAY: AS WE FORGIVE OUR DEBTORS 01/19/2016
  • LEARNING HOW TO PRAY: AND FORGIVE US OUR DEBTS 01/18/2016
  • LEARNING HOW TO PRAY: GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD 01/17/2016
  • LEARNING HOW TO PRAY: ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN 01/16/2016
  • LEARNING HOW TO PRAY: YOUR WILL BE DONE 01/15/2016
  • LEARNING HOW TO PRAY: YOUR KINGDOM COME 01/14/2016
  • LEARNING HOW TO PRAY: HALLOWED BE THY NAME 01/13/2016
  • LEARNING HOW TO PRAY: OUR FATHER WHO IS IN HEAVEN 01/12/2016
  • LEARNING HOW TO PRAY (INTRODUCTION) 01/11/2016
  • THE DIFFICULTY OF SEEING BEYOND 01/08/2016
  • BELIEF IN MANY PATHS…ARROGANCE OR WISDOM? 01/05/2016
  • APPRENTICE: 7 STUDIES ON HOW TO FOLLOW JESUS. 01/04/2016
  • THE SIMPLE ACT OF LIVING WELL 01/01/2016
  • PROCESS – I DARE YOU TO MOVE 12/31/2015
  • A STORY TO TELL 12/30/2015
  • YOUR BATTLE ISN’T JUST WITH YOUR BROTHER 12/29/2015
  • WHY “JUST DOING MY DUTY” IS NOT ENOUGH 12/27/2015
  • THE SOULSTUCK CONTROL FREAK: BY MEGHAN SMITH 12/23/2015
  • STAR WARS: THE POWER OF A GREAT STORY 12/19/2015
  • KIDS? WHY SO MANY? 12/18/2015
  • PEACE YOU NEED THIS SEASON 12/16/2015
  • WHAT INFORMS YOU? 12/14/2015
  • YOU ARE WELCOME HERE 12/12/2015
  • OUR (NOT SO) PERFECT LITTLE LIFE 12/11/2015
  • WHY YOU NEED COMMUNITY 12/10/2015
  • 10 LESSONS I LEARNED FROM FINANCIAL FAILURE 12/08/2015
  • REMARKABLE 12/07/2015
  • HOW TO LET THE BIBLE READ YOU…AN ANCIENT PRACTICE. 12/06/2015

Subscribe Here!

Designed using Dispatch WordPress Theme. Powered by WordPress.