“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church– a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor — since they’re already “one” in marriage.”
Ephesians 5:25-28 (Message)
Her favorite thing to do is take pictures, mostly of our children…but secondly of everyone else’s.
She enjoys long late night foot rubs, a cup of hot tea with lemon in it, and any number of funny or dramatic television shows.
Her favorite color is blue.
She would drive a Jeep Wrangler as her vehicle of choice.
Her love for God exceeds her love for most things except maybe our family.
She is a deeply loving, compassionate, and feeling woman.
She empathizes with people much better than I do.
She sees the positive, the light, the funny, and the bright side most of the time.
She works harder than anyone in our immediate family.
Her favorite movies are the Bourne Trilogy (now Pentalogy?)
Her favorite musician is Justin Timberlake. A close second would probably be a tie between Bieber and T. Swift.
Knowing your wife
Why do I tell you all of this? What is the point of my list today?
I’ve been living most of my life now with Rebecca (21 years) and I still want to know her deeply. Though I am still learning more and more about her, it seems there is still much that I need to learn. We share so much in this life together. We have been through a lot of things. Celebrations, struggles, hardships, gut-wrenching loss, hilltop joys, and everything in between.
I’ve heard people say before that they were working “on their marriage” and that is all well and good. But if you see your spouse only as a project to work on, you’ll miss the beauty of the life and story you were meant to share together. Yes, there are times when you need to “work on” your marriage… but I want to remind you today that marriage isn’t supposed to be a drudgery. A depersonalized relationship is no relationship at all.
We are talking about a living, breathing, human being that you are sharing your life with. Rebecca is not just my wife… she is my best friend in this life. She is my partner in highs, lows, parenting, mission, and so much more. We do not get it right much of the time. We don’t have a perfect life together always. But we do have a mutual commitment to not simply float through life.
Do I wish we could go on more dates, have more tropical excursions, and get away from it all more often? Absolutely. Since we’ve had children, those opportunities have been few and far between. Life has not always been peaches and roses. But I wouldn’t trade a moment for all the time I’ve gotten to spend with this woman. It has been worth every single minute of it.
Marriage is a metaphor
The point of marriage is not us.
Our stories are a mirror image of the story that God is trying to tell. That’s why healthy relationships and marriages are so important. That’s why we believe that marriage, as it is understood in the Scriptures, is important. It is a metaphor for something more magnificent than us.
In the same way that I and my wife and are joined together and our stories, different as they are, are intertwined together… so also is the relationship between Jesus and His bride, which we know as “The Church”. Jesus and this community of believers all over the world are in an engagement period known as the present time. Someday, we believe He will come and swoop down, rescue us from this broken world, and carry us across the threshold of Heaven to wed us, and become intertwined together in an eternal wedding feast, a mind-altering adventure, and new life…the likes of which we have never known on earth.
Marriage isn’t just two people who love each other wanting to be recognized by the state as legal so they can claim and share financial benefits. That’s just a union. Marriage is something more. Marriage that is recognized by God is a picture of His great love for us modeled and lived out for the world to see so they can catch a glimpse of what He really wants us to know about Him. Yes, I believe true marriage is between a man and a woman… but that is not a political statement to be strung up and used to devalue or belittle the relationships that so many in this world have with one another that are truly loving and committed to one another. I’m not writing this today to get into that debate. That’s not my point here.
Love your wife
I will continue to love my wife. I’ll keep learning, unlearning, and re-learning her… and diving deeper into the depths of her soul to help her unlock all she was created to be for Christ in this world. I will keep trying to remember what she values, what she wants, and what she finds beautiful…not so I can get recognition for doing so, but because I still really do love her and want her to know that she is precious, and that there is still no other woman in the world that captures my soul quite like her.
Until the day I die, I will keep searching for ways to know her better and keep running to the store to grab a Hershey bar for her every once in a while.
Because that’s just what Jesus would do for me.